First

This summer I watched the little bird in this picture fly for the first time. It just took the leap like it was programmed to do I guess. Still it took courage.

We humans take the leap into death a little harder. People ask how I am doing emotionally and mostly it just feels surreal, mixed with sadness upon leaving and a whole lot of heartfelt love, sorrow and joy for what we had and have being expressed out loud. For me, and I don't expect everyone to be like me, it helps to talk about it and plan. But if this talk about death is hard for you, please, it isn't necessary for you to read here. And if we talk in person tell me that.

Sorry if my words about entering the palliative side of the healthcare system in a previous blog post gave the impression I was in hospice care already. I just meant that once your illness passes a certain point you are cared for by palliative nurses and social workers. I'm actually feeling pretty good physically aside from the pain and some remaining tiredness and I hope to get out for a fun day tomorrow. I'll take lots of rests along the way.

The closer I get to being that bird on the edge of the nest the less I am interested in facing death with fear. The pain killers probably help numb that fear but picturing it like being at the top of the world's tallest, wildest, roller coaster helps. The trick is that no person I know currently has ridden this ride. Everyone, even in the same religion, has wildly divergent opinions on what's going to happen and they're all convinced they're right. Imma likely (but not for sure) gonna find out before you. I get to go first! We all do.