No Regrets

I've been thinking about something. In the past few years I've had three people in my life pass away. All three of them were incredibly positive people and that stood them well. But they didn't really want to hear talk of dying or giving up this life. I respected that and still do but it meant not being able to say my deepest feelings, what they meant to me, or goodbye. I may be close to losing another dear friend and we've been able to be a little more real and I was able to say sorry for a dumb thing I said when I was 19 (luckily getting older means I have less ability to remember dumb things I did and said when I was 19) and my friend was lovely and perfectly gracious as always and I just appreciated that I could do that.

I want you to know that I am planning on living. I'm making plans for a month, six months and years from now. I'm planning on dancing at your wedding, writing down the funny things your children or grandchildren say and taking too many pictures of squirrels, of you, and of your dog. This is not me caving this is me fighting as hard as I can.

 Also remember that the 50 50 chance of the cancer being cured does not mean 50 percent chance of dying, it means there's a great chance it won't come back at all! But if I land on the wrong 50 half and it returns there will now be almost no way of the cancer getting inside my body which is still a win.

But realistically there are risks to this surgery. They are actually much lower than I expected but they are still real. And I don't want you or me to have any regrets. I'm here right now giving permission for you to say or write whatever you feel. Even goodbye or so long for a while. Though like my friend I don't need apologies. I'm also giving you permission to say absolutely nothing. I really know how much you love me. I really do. And it goes right back at you!

I love you.

And if the worst happens on the 17th or after, remember that I didn't want to leave you, and this entire blog from start to finish and every picture I took, is my way of staying with you. As always feel free to download and use any non person picture and any of me that you want. I apologize for Blogger and it's random dropping of links to pictures in a few old blogs but the words are still there.

Also if you are old enough, healthy enough, and can do it without it freaking you out, donate blood, because I'll be using some for sure.

Today I was at Anne's house camped in front of her kitchen door with my camera and my back rudely to my family. It was awesome! Sunshine, snow, and hungry birds!

This is maybe not my best picture but it is the most remarkable, a chickadee that is much whiter than usual.

I looked it up and I could be wrong but might be a chickadee that has some leucism. Not an albino but still only occurring in one in several hundred thousand birds.

Here's an article about it:

https://www.google.ca/amp/www.spokesman.com/stories/2008/dec/26/rare-white-chickadee-visiting-valley-couples-yard/%3famp-content=amp

I want to be clear that I don't consider myself to be terminal like the man in the article, and maybe this is just an ordinary chickadee that has gray wings instead of black and a white belly, but I've decided to consider it special so it is.

We went swimming at the Wilmot pool beforehand so my camera came in from the freezing cold pretty steamy.

The Juncos were busy!

Eating snow

Annette said from her angle in the sun it looked like jewels dropping out of it's mouth.

This cheeky guy showed up

He's a red-bellied wood pecker even though his belly is not red, not a red headed woodpecker, that's a different rarer bird.

Apparently their tree tapping or drumming is a form of singing, who knew?! Male red-bellies can drum 19 beats per second, and as they say, the drummer always gets the chicks! See what I did there?

Thanks for being you in all your sweet glory!