The anticipation of pain

Yesterday on my walk I pulled out the big gun.

I found some water to put the boat in and the story just wrote itself.

Instead of posting the pictures I'd love it if you would go see the short video I made with them here.

Raindrops keep falling on my head was pretty much the only song that would work, but as much respect as I have for all the crooners who have sung it, I wanted a fresh take. I was thrilled to find Katie Ferrara's lovely cover and even more thrilled when she said I could use it. Go see her on YouTube or Facebook or at Katieferrara.com.

I told Katie I would send her a link to this blog post and that got me thinking about how I would explain to a complete stranger how I got to the point of playing with pirate and shark Legos.

When I was first diagnosed with vulvar cancer I was trying on clothes one day and ran across a striped orange and white shirt and just started laughing so hard in the changing room because I felt like a pirate what with the stripes and fancy ties on the side.

And from that day on my Cancer journey through surgery and radiation had a pirate theme.

There was a wonderful celebration in October 2012 when the painful radiation finally ended.

Topped off with with a pie in the face! Yay!

And so when on the day I found out that my cancer was back I saw this meme...

I knew I needed to add sharks to the pirate theme. Less than 24 hours later my niece had made me this hat.

And cats were being dressed up as sharks.

Sharks were turning up everywhere.

There were so many sharks that I began to feel that the pirates were underrepresented. Fortunately I found some old Lego from my inner child days (I highly recommend having therapy before you get cancer) and hey guess what? I had a ton of pirates AND a shark.

And since my surgery got postponed its been a fun distraction to have company on my walks.

It was important to buy a girl Lego character and make her a pirate.

So yeah while it may not make a great deal of sense, it's who I am right now and it's soothing a part of myself that has no words.

There is a camp of theorists who believe that cancer is the result of fear and worry and not eating exactly what they do. I hope they are never insulted to find themselves with the disease and that they die of sheer happiness in a field of white daisies. I honestly do. But while I reject the shame that that leaves the rest of us who have cancer with, I do believe that humour, sharing your fears and as positive an attitude as you can muster can't hurt.

So again, here is the link to my little Lego movie about how I feel about Monday's upcoming surgery. I'm hoping for a much happier ending than the movie this song first appeared in had - Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid. And I'm planning on unleashing my inner crazy laughing monkey to deal with the hospital and the pain inflicted on my tail. That and a boatload of good drugs.

Here are a few more pictures from yesterday's walk. These roses have made it through a hard winter:

&